I have avoided writing this post since I started my blog, even though I started this blog to talk about this very thing..and things of this nature.
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago…unofficially about 2 months ago. January 20th would have been our 5 year anniversary. If you know me “in real life”, you are probably pretty shocked by this news (if you didn’t already know). I’ve tried to hide it as best as I could, because I’ve just been scared of what people will say. It is something very few people know about, and honestly, it’s something I don’t even want to talk about in person. I can hear the comments and questions already. So if you are reading this, please do not ask me about it in real life. I am just not ready.
I don’t want to get into the details about it, because it honestly doesn’t matter. We still talk, we are still friends, but we no longer live together or work together.We are both single, and doing our own thing, and honestly, it really is for the best.
I have said all that to say this. I have been struggling with whether to stay in Nova Scotia or move back to Winnipeg A LOT lately. Truthfully, I feel like moving home is the easy option, a cop-out. I will have my family there, but will I be happier? I really don’t know. I moved here (Nova Scotia) almost 3.5 years ago to be with him, so obviously not being together has been an adjustment. Although I have been here for 3.5 years, my life kind of revolved around him (not in a bad way), but I had no friends or family here, so inevitably his friends became my friends, and his family became my family.
Now, I have made some great friends on my own since I have moved here (haaaaay boooos, you know who you are), but it’s been hard. I really haven’t put myself out there too much, because I guess I was just complacent with how things were. I had a routine, and I stuck to it. But I feel like I have to start all over now. I need to make a new routine, I need to build my own life here (this might put my previous posts into perspective).
My job is everything to me. The kids I work with have totally captured my heart, and the thought of leaving them is honestly heart wrenching. I have inquired about similar jobs in Winnipeg, but I just know it won’t be the same. I have worked so hard to build the relationships I have with the kids and their families over the last few years, and I am just not ready to say goodbye.
My current plan of action is to just continue doing things that make me happy. I have been trying to distract myself as much as possible with dinner dates with friends, meticulously cleaning and organising my apartment, trying new recipes, blogging, and just trying to focus on all the great things I have going on. Breakups happen all the time, it happens, it’s life. I can’t and won’t let myself sit around and feel sorry for myself, because a.) I did that the first 2 weeks, b.) it makes me feel worse, c.) it’s not gonna get me anywhere…
So please don’t read this and feel sorry for me. Despite how sad this post sounded, I am actually doing okay. I am a grown up, I will figure my shit out eventually, and life will go on.
Thank you to the people who constantly show me love on a daily basis, your kind words and support never go unnoticed (even if you didn’t know all of this was going on). The hugs are extra comforting, and the love is even more overwhelming. I love you guys.